Post the incident last week that had me lifeless and almost gone for good, I have been extremely scared. When we are scared, all of us need to share it to relieve the stress, at least I do. I share my feelings with a few of my close friends. I have this set of close friends whom I confide in and like telling them my problems. They have also been doing the same thing and it is a nice relationship that I have been very proud of.
Recently, I have been having such scary bouts more often and overall it has been very difficult for me to cope up with the stress of living with this fear as well as focussing on work sufficiently well enough so as to perform as per corporate expectations. It is therefore critical that I can share my fears / anxieties with those I can confide in and those who know my back ground etc.
I met one such close friend online and I shared this incident with that person. The response was something that I had not expected from that person. I was asked why I was narrating my problems to that person and not to my other close friends. I was sharing my experiences only because that friend was online and I really was feeling extremely stressed out with the whole incident.
I got a feeling that the friend was thinking I was making up the story. I agree that such incidents have become more frequent lately, but I have not narrated anything to this person lately nor do I let it make a difference to my professional life as much as it is possible.
I am aware that such incidents can be very common for patients on dialysis and hence we have to be prepared for it.
Such incidents might sound very colourful and very "filmy", yet they are real and I have really gone through them. It may be possible that I share such incidents with friends so that I can get some strength and encouragement from them. But whatever it is I never make up such incidents. They are so difficult to go through and such experiences are even more difficult to express or narrate.
Yet if I share my scary experiences, it does not mean I have given up in life. I still put in full days of work. I still do all things that normal human beings do. I have never requested anyone for any concession on the ground that I am a patient of chronic renal failure. I am competing with normal humans in all senses of the word. The only sign of weakness that I showed was that I shared my scary experience with one friend who I felt was very close to me. I have only one question to ask.
Don't normal humans share experiences half as scary with their close friends??