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Sunday, 31 May 2009


This week was quite bad for me. Very stressful in terms of work as well as on the personal and health front.

The highlight of the week was however a bout of low BP that I got at work.

I had reported early to work as there was a lot to be done. There were a lot of phone calls right from early in the morning. I was feeling quite low. I felt like having a cup of tea. So I went down to the tea stall to have a "cutting chai". Suddenly I started feeling giddy. I started getting that dull feeling in the head and started sweating profusely.

I finished the chai and somehow came back to office. It was a safer place to be as there were colleagues who could take care of me in case of any more serious occurence. The moment I reached my desk, I blacked out. Maybe it was my will power that got me to my desk. I kept my head on the desk and closed my eyes. I was really sweating like a pig. Just about then my other colleagues started reporting to work. I called out to one of them who works next to me. Requested him to order something to drink. He ordered a soft drink from the canteen of the industrial complex where my office is located.

I was totally blacked out. I now started having breathing problems. I was sort of struggling to breathe. It was really scary. The canteen guy was taking unduly long to deliver the soft drink. I normally keep a pack of glucose powder in office in preparation for such eventualities. However, when it actually happened I had run out of the powder.

I got a call from a colleague with a query about some development that happened the previous day. I requested her that I would call back later as I was not in my senses.

I had lost track of how much time had elapsed. My head was on my desk and I was almost blacked out.

Suddenly, my colleague called out to me saying the soft drink had arrived. It was hardly chilled which is the way I love it, but it was so refreshing to see the bottle. I requested the office boy to pour it in a glass which he did. Till then no one had even realised that I was in such a bad shape. Everyone is so busy in their own world that we dont have time to look at someone who is sitting next to us.

I started sipping the soft drink and slowly but surely started feeling better. It took me around an hour to come back to my senses, and by then was feeling extremely weak.

I had to work on a pitch presentation which was a deliverable for that day. I was weak but then that presentation was quite important for the company. I had to do a good job of it. So I just meditated for a while, got back some strength and worked on the presentation. I took a small break only for lunch.

I ended the day at 10 pm that night. The presentation was complete and I had kept my commitment to the prospective client.

Lets hope the pitch is successful.........


Some incidents over the last month or so have left a deep imprint on my mind. Certain perceptions I had about people have changed to such an extent that my opinions about them are quire the opposite that they were earlier. Is it that I made a wrong judgement about those people when I started trusting them or I have changed to such an extent that people seem to have changed 180 degrees in their personality.

It is such things in life that make you wonder how we decide who is our well wisher / friend and who is not. Or is it that people will be nice to you only when they need you. Once they realise that now the use is minimised the person will throw you our of their lives.

In terms of profession as well, how many people are truly concerned only about the job getting done. Very few companies treat terminally ill people with the respect, remuneration and the terms that are due to the talent. As a result there is opposition and a set of hurdles from everyone personal as well as professional in our endeavour to live a normal life and compete with normal people. You always start with a handicap. Even if you end up doing better you dont get what the normal guys would have if they performed equally well.

Well then whats the solution. I dont know. I only know that I cant stop dreaming. For my dreams to be fulfilled I need to work and I will put my best foot forward.

I dont know how much time I have but I just hope for 2 things

  • That the question marks about the people who matter to me get resolved in my physical presence
  • That I am able to leave a mark on everyone I meet and interact with

How far I will be able to achieve these twin objectives is the big question.