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Sunday, 3 August 2008

Love - The million dollar question

With dialysis it is a known fact that life span is compromised. Even with transplant the quality of life can never be compared to something that is totally normal. And yes cadaver transplant don't last forever.

Being single, I always felt that it is not fair to the other person if I want to get married. But at times, one does feel the need for someone to share your sorrows, your joys. Someone who can understand what you are going through and be there even if just to listen to you.

There have been times when I did start liking someone, but I have restrained myself from communicating my feelings to the person as I felt that things wouldnt work out. Either there would be a rejection or acceptance. With my physical condition I might not be able to accept the reality (would be tough for me due to my fluctuating BP) as well as do justice to the other person.

Then how does one resolve this issue. This is the million dollar question.

Option 1 Communicate your feelings and risk deterioration of health and injustice to the person concerned.

Option 2 Live with the feeling and continue to hide my feelings which is not being fair to myself.

Either way it is being unfair to someone...either yourself or the loved one. Love had truly ended up being a four letter word.

Its a catch both ways

That's what I understand by Catch 22

(I have always settled for the second option. I dont mind being unfair to myself, but not to others...........)

Comments are invited to this post


Abhijit said...

I am confused...
Are u shifting ur choice from 2 to 1?

Anyways, it has to be expressed sometimes. Abhi nahi to kabhi nahi!!!! (Pun intended ;))

Aparna Pai said...

Say it.. the other person might have similar feelings, and might not want to say it..

so who is the latest one? :-)

Kamal Shah said...

Dear Samiir, nobody can understand your predicament better than me. Been there, done that - all I can say.

Especially at our age, this is a real problem. And people not on dialysis just do not understand the issues involved. It is not as simple as saying don't bother about the dialysis part. Let's face it. It is a very important part of our lives.

One thing I would say is don't worry about 'injustice to the other person'. We guys have too many issues of our own to deal with to worry about this. Let's assume we are the center of the universe. Don't worry too much about what others think or feel.

About telling the other person, do what you heart tells you. Be prepared for the worst. But if you feel saying it will make you feel better, do it.

One thing to consider however is how your relationship might change (currently friendship, I would assume) if you expressed your feelings and it was rejected.

Another thing you could consider is to do it gradually. What I mean is don't say it immediately. Instead, try to spend more time together. Go out with her without other friends. Slowly, try to guage how it will turn out and then decide.

All the best!

Kamal Shah said...

Samiir, take a look at and

Kamal Shah said...

The links above got cut off. Here they are again: