It was not easy to accept the fact that
- I would not live a normal life again
- It would not be fair to my spouse if I got married (even if I underwent a transplant)
- I might never get to trek again (Trekking has always been a passion for me)
Some friends stopped keeping contact with me. This was the worst part. I was not someone who would "use' them to my advantage. Well what advantage did I have on my side is another question.
At this point I suddenly started feeling lost and forlorn. I needed a companion badly. I needed someone who would be there for me, when I need her.
I ended up being miserable. Feeling low all the time. Feeling depressed. It was tough to get positive. And then one day I said, I am going to be happy. Why should my happiness be conditional. Why should it depend on whether some "friend" talks to me or not. Why should my happiness depend on whether someone cheats me in business or not. I realised how stupid I had been.
I decided to take the bull by the horns. I started a consulting service that got me in touch with my current employer. I have been fighting it out since then. How could I give up ?
I have had a lot of ups and downs healthwise, relationship wise and otherwise. However, in my opinion I have grown more wise.
I still need to go for dialysis twice a week. I work the whole day. I take dialysis twice a week from 10 pm to 3 am at nights, and manage to go to work the next day.
I resumed my tryst with my passion (trekking) and now have a group of almost 200 members.
I might still be single, lonely and still would love to have a companion who would be there for me, committed to me in reciprocation, but I am not miserable. I am happy. Unconditionally.....
True happiness is always Unconditional